5 Things NOT To Do: Calamity I

You comfort no one

when you do these five things.

Watch our Truth in Two (full text below) to understand.

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Picture Credit: Josh Collingwood, Snappy Goat

FULL TEXT

Her jaw radiated pain; her body shuddered. There was no relief. It had been an awful wisdom tooth extraction. Our daughter now had a dry socket. A week later another oral surgeon had to cut her gum line, looking for bone fragments. During the surgery he “tapped on her jawbone” to assess whether or not it contained an infection. The pain Chelsea felt was left over from the doctor’s bone “tapping.” She took Vicodin: two at a time. The pain was unrelenting. The hygienist told my daughter that pain after surgery can flash back three, four, or five days after the event.

But what about three, four, or five years? What of three, four, or five decades? People suffer the memory of calamity in multiple ways, over multiple years. Consider for instance,

* The Moore, Oklahoma landscape was chiseled clean by an F5 tornado in 2013.

* Or, pictures on the mantle of parents, spouses, children, or siblings that record loss.

* Or, economic downturns and duplicitous bosses that make job loss a disheartening reality.

* Or, some that suffer the constant pain of depression, schizophrenia, or head-trauma

Folks suffer when something or someone is taken away, whether possessions, stability, sanity, or in some cases, lives. So, how should we respond? Here are five things NOT to do in times of calamity:

1. Don’t compare: when someone tells you of their pain, do not bring up yours
2. Don’t complain: do not suggest to someone who has just lost everything that you lost anything
3. Don’t answer: folks want to vent and rage; your reply should be silence
4. Don’t leave: nothing replaces physical presence
5. Don’t critique: people cry, scream, swear, drink, smoke; be sensitive, ditch your sensitivities

Chelsea, the citizens of Moore, OK, the jobless, everyone who hurts, remembers the pain. We should remember the folks who have suffered calamity. We should never forget their pain. My Truth in Two series during Fall 2022 is a tribute to our son Tyler Micah. We lament his death while desiring to give voice to all who suffer in any way.

[This material is drawn from an article I wrote in 2013 titled, “Calamity.” A number of other articles have used the same words and ideas since and can be found by searching for “lament” at MarkEckel.com where you can also find a tribute to my son.]